he

that looks like it says "he" as in he fell down the steps... but no... it really says he as in "high efficiency"... who knew! I guess probably everyone but me! I just bought a new washing machine. My old one died. So, I got a Whirlpool front load. I was not very focused on the details, how many can there be? its a chlothes washer. it's whirlpool. should wash the clothes fine. It was the right size and fit into my budget.
So, it was delivered this morning. Of course I was on the phone with Creampie chatting the whole time the delivery guys were here. Its their job to bring it in, remove the old one and hook it up properly. So, I was catching up with my girlfriend. Once it was set up I signed the paperwork and the delivery guys moved on.
Next I called Samantha, she had some urgent news. Well, as I listened to her amazing news I was flipping through the little owners manual. It didn't even occur to me that I would need to change the way I do things... change my laundry soap, what is a pre-soak? do I need fabric softener in the washer? UGH! I realized I was not prepared to use my new washer.
Samantha helped me to understand that I need this high efficient soap and her mother was mocking me in the background. She said "go get a how to use a washing machine for dummies book!"... I told Samantha to tell her mother to KMA!!!!
Anyway, Samantha explained the whole thing to me. Right now I am finally running my first load. Unless some disaster hits you should not hear any more on this subject. Ya learn something new every day!

correction

I just read my blog... how rude of me! WE are all selling a lot right now... the warehouse is really busy with stacks of orders. I know Tammy has put a lot through too. In my mind my focus is to sell everything we have so we don't have to move anything... that is not realistic but fun to think of from a sales perspective.
I do, however, have a lot of help! not trying to take all of the credit for driving the warehouse manager crazy and keeping everyone busy, busy, busy!
=P

on the move

here it is... moving day. well, not technically until friday. I am trying to sell everything I can before we move... easier to move right? the warehouse manager is going crazy because I am keeping the warehouse so busy and he is trying to organize this whole thing. good problem!
what is left of my office furniture is virtually gone. I only have plants on the floor and my virtual wobbly plastic card table desk with the axillary boxes to extend my desk space for the printer.

need I say more?... we are moving... now...

a love affair with chocolate

I think everyone can relate to this in one way or another at any given time in their life! It seems lately that I am spending time late at night in bed eating dark chocolate truffles... Its sad but true. And, people who know me know that my body doesn't function well on that level. Still, somehow, I can't seem to stop the late night chocolate snacks! Its only a few, but still, late night snacking of any kind is not a great choice at all. UGH! Its a struggle that will kick in high gear next week once the added weight hits my ASS!!! (by then I will have stopped and the frustration of watching what I eat more closely will be bothering me).
Well, we are all human. Some people believe that chocolate is better than sex... I disagree with that statement, but apparently when you are single and alone, sometimes chocolate is love...
This is me! Is it you too?...

glorified card tables!

We are moving. Our whole office is in disarray! In this process we have all had to clean out and pack up our office furniture. The boss had the warehouse manager go to Costco and buy these plastic card tables. Kind of wobbly, and really much smaller than any desk that was previously here.
Our furniture has been moved to the new location as "phase 1" of the move. The plan is for us to take our own computer, phone and whatever else personal to the new office on our last Friday at this office. Since our furniture is already there we can set up our office and be ready to work on Monday after the move.
Meanwhile, we look like a ghetto dormitory set up. Some of us have taken empty boxes and turned them upside down to allow for axillary extra desk space.
Tammy usually keeps her printer on her desk. She had originally put it on her card table and when something was printing the entire "desk" moved side to side. She was holding her monitor so it wouldn't fly off. She also had a cup of coffee on her desk that was only half full and sloshing back and forth so much it almost spilled while printing! I suggested she put her printer on an empty box for now so she didn't have an earthquake on her desk each time she prints something!
Moving is so much fun!

times like these you REALLY NEED A MAN IN YOUR LIFE!

This is one of those stupid things that really happened. It happened a long time ago but my memory of it is really vivid!
Usually when I come home each day my two cats are right at the door anxiously awaiting my arrival. However, this one day I walked in and no greeting?! I said "hello?!"... and waited... I heard this really weird cat voice in response. I'm thinking... WTF?!!! so, I go upstairs. For those of you who don't know, I live in a 800 sq. foot loft-style townhouse in Santa Monica, 5 blocks from the beach. Its nice for one person and two cats.
So, back to the story, I walk up the stairs and I see both of the cats sitting on the bed looking up very intently. As I look up something bigger than any bug I have ever seen flies around the room! I screamed and the cats jumped and followed it!
It was a bird!... a freaking bird had flown into my house! Yikes! We don't have bug problems at the beach and my place is 3 stories high. You cannot get in from the outside without a ladder so I USE TO leave my screen door on my balcony open all the time... that's how the bird got in.
Anyway, somehow it made it into the bathroom. Now this poor bird is flying around panicking... it can't find its way out. He smashed into the wall a few times and the windows too. The cats are freaking out! Dinner! and, I'm freaking out too!
OMG!!! What in the world do I do here?! I can hear myself complaining "this is exactly why a girl needs a man in her life! ugh!"
So, I went to my kitchen and got the biggest pot and lid I could find. Somehow I managed to corner that bird an capture it in the pan. Picture me tripping over the cats continuously under my feet making that weird desperate cat cry cats make... It seemed like it took forever. The time frame here is blurry!
Once I caught the bird I went out to the balcony and removed the lid of the pot I had caught it in. The bird flew away off into the distance.
The cats were clearly disappointed. I was relieved!... From then on I always close the screen door. Still, it would be nice to have a guy around... for a lot of other personal reasons... plus stuff like that!

visit with the family

it was a picture perfect day at the beach this weekend. the kind of days you imagine when you think about the beach. those of you that live in the valley were probably dying of heat exhaustion! ha! but when its over 100 in the valley, its 80-ish at the beach! gorgeous!
I had a plan with my sister that lives in Corona (inland empire... yikes! talk about hot!) to come out to visit "Aunt Laura" at the beach... 3 kids, brother in law, the whole deal. They were going to come around 1pm and stay until about 7?
Of course when you have a timeline and kids and naps and chores and homework, etc... things get pushed back some. They finally left their house around 1:30 and got to my place about 2:30. We were all ready and geared up for the beach.
Before they got there I went out and got some snacks and juice, whatever they drink. I don't normally keep stuff like that at home. I also would like to report I woke up with a bit of a hangover! UGH! getting moving was a chore in itself... but the kids kept me motivated.
When I found out they were running late I had a chance for a little disco nap. Well, while laying down I started to think that they would be here for dinner! I am really not equipped to feed that many people... seats, plates, cooking equipment, etc... Yes, it was only 5 people coming over, but I live alone and only have 4 of everything. I thought to cook some of those burgers and steaks but I haven't got a grill... how do you cook that many of anything?... so, I decided TACOS! everybody loves tacos! back up to the store for the basics of that meal and some jello for desert. kids always want desert. adults always want a drink! or a beer or wine, whatever... handled!
Once they got there we all packed up what seemed like everything you could ever imagine needing for the beach and started to walk down there. I live about 5 blocks away. Taking into account that the whole wide world came to the beach yesterday parking by my house and walking out is the best idea. The beach strait down from my house has no parking lot so there is generally only locals and its less crowded.
We finally got there and set up "camp"... the kids know the program already. Its like a dance the way they set shit up. Clearly their mom has them trained on what goes where and what can get sand on it and what cannot.
Now we get to play! Running in the water, jumping waves, collecting sand crabs and whatever else we can find. Matthew, my nephew, made a little aquarium in a bucket with all of the creatures he found in the water. My donation was a clam... still alive in its shell. He put that in with all the other stuff. It was fun to watch the kids entertain themselves watching the crabs and clam burrow into the sand over and over. They all watched out for Jeremy (he's only 2). Matthew put him in front of that bucket and gave him a little shovel. He taught Jeremy how to dig up the crabs and the clam so they were on the top of the sand and then he could watch all that stuff bury itself again. A couple of jellyfish washed up onto the shore too... weird! have you ever seen a jellyfish? they were about the size of a frisbee and clear purple color. But the tentacles were gone from the bottom so we guessed they were dead. What's in the water over there?... I actually thought to check the water quality report but decided not to cuz we were going to the beach anyway. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss!
We played frisbee, ran around and had a great time. Tammy and Joelle came to meet us up there too. They met my family and played in the water and hung out with us for a while. It was great that they could join us!
About 6pm we packed up and went home. All the kids take showers or baths... sand everywhere in my house! I started making dinner. Tacos were fun and good. Then Jeremy was tired and they had to get out of there.
It was a nice visit with the family. The kids always want to spend the night or me to do the same. Its cute they want to spend so much time with me; Matthew asked if he and Valerie could come to stay with me one weekend a month without their parents! and, Matthew can hardly wait to try the Flying Trapeze with me too! =P
An Aunt Laura weekend... fun for the whole family!

flying trapeze!

yesterday I finally did it! I flew through the air with... well not necessarily with the "greatest of ease"... but it was SUPER FUN! I know... what the hell am I talking about already?!

Well, last night I took my first FLYING TRAPEZE CLASS! They just set up at the Santa Monica Pier... http://losangeles.trapezeschool.com/contactus.php check them out!

Anyway, one class is two hours long. I skated to the pier last night after work. The weather was PERFECT! I wasn't sure if they would be open but I decided on the way home from work that I really wanted to do it last night! When I got there I skated to their location and waited for someone to notice me. It looked like everyone that works there was busy working with people. There was only one person on the trapeze and one person on the silk ropes. Still, new operation, small staff.

Finally the guy by the trapeze said "can I help you?" and I said "CAN I PLAY?!"... he laughed and said that I would have to sign a waiver. I said "whatever, I'm ready now, I have my credit card!" So, they had me sign a waiver and they strapped me into my harness.

I was so excited! I have wanted to do this for YEARS! Ever since Carrie did it on Sex in the City!

Well, I got a bit of instruction and the next thing you know I was climbing the ladder to the top. Once I got there I said hello to Effe... the instructor at the top of the rig. He unhooked me from the ladder climbing harness and hooked me up to the trapeze harness. He chalked my hands and reminded me of the take off stance. You hold onto the bar behind you with your left hand with your feet half way off the edge of the platform and your body is arched... your right arm extended. Effe brings the bar to your right hand and you grab it. He is holding onto you by a loop on the back of your harness and you are literally leaning forward A LOT... like, you would fall if he wasn't holding you! So, then he tells you to let go of the bar behind you and grab the trapeze bar in front of you. "ready" means bend your knees... "huh" means step off the platform and point your toes behind you. So, I did! and I was swinging! yea!

Johnathan takes over from there. He is on the ground below the net with lines attached to the harness helping you fly. I guess my form was great for the first time. They were both impressed! I follow directions well... Now Johnathan told me to swing a bit and on the next swing forward he will say "huh" and I let go of the bar and lay flat to fall onto the net below. As I dropped I was so happy! I worked my way over to "dismount" off of the net to the ground.

There was one other guy in the class. He was more advanced than me so he was working on different stuff.

When it was my turn again they wanted me to swing my knees over the bar and hang upside down with my hands above my head... already! holy moly! ok, a bit nervous... but still very fun!

I climbed the ladder, got the harnesses switched, got chalked and was ready to go again. Ready! Huh! and I forgot to put my knees up when Johnathan said to! so, by now I was on my second swing through and loosing momentum... but I still did it. Johnathan pulls the harness straps to help you with the maneuvers. Now I am hanging upside down swinging from this bar in the sky!

Put your hands back on the bar, take your legs down and swing until we tell you to drop...

I did that about 4 times... but better each time, still never correctly!

They were delighted by my enthusiasm and my energy. I kept on going back for more really quickly. They suggested I slow down a bit because I was using up all of my energy... I was still so excited. I did take a bit of a rest after my 4th "drop".

Johnathan had me practice a new technique to put my legs over the bar and hang from my knees. He gave me a practice bar and had me lay on the ground and practice pulling my legs up together and once they are straight up in the air spread them into a V and put them over the bar under my knees. He had me practice that 10 times while I was "resting". Now it was my turn to actually swing through that move. It was a bit easier to do than the first one they had me do. I did it correctly 2x.

By now Johnathan said it was clear I was getting tired because I was "flailing" in the air. I had less control. So, he had me go up one more time for a back flip and then I would be done! A BACK FLIP!

So I climb the ladder to the top one last time. Effe gets me prepared for my swing and I'm off. Johnathan tells me I'm going to swing my feet forward, back and forward, but on the 2nd forward swing I'm going to let go of the bar and grab my knees and do a back flip... yea right!
Ok, so, he shouts the commands and I did it... he spun me through that back flip with the harness ropes and it was so much fun! I was screaming from fear and amazement! Then I lay flat and drop to the net... whew! that was my first class... I was really tired and pumped up too!'

I went to the office and signed up for 5 more classes!

Today I am a bit sore in my arms and my legs and my abs... its amazing how you are getting this total body workout but you have no idea because you are concentrating so hard on what they want you to do.

I love it! Can't wait to go again. Next class they hope I can do the knee hang where I can grab onto someone else and swing with them.

Yep, this is my idea of excitement!

good meat!

turns out the steaks are AMAZING!!! really great quality and flavor, so tender you don't even need a knife! HA!

more meat than you can imagine!

today I was walking up the street with Joe our IT guy. We were going to subway for lunch when these guys in a "Midwest steakhouse" truck pulled up and said "hey! you guys want some steaks?!"... they got out of the truck and showed us their super deal. This huge box of a large assortment of steaks and burgers. They said that they "just dropped off all of their orders in the day and they needed to sell these or be stuck with them". They were offering buy one get one free... the boxes, buy one entire box of A LOT of meat for $425 and get one free. I suggested they go to our office and ask others while we went to subway.
In the meantime they are still asking us to take the deal. Offering it for $175 even!...
Anyway, we went up to subway and the line was almost out the door. I wasn't that hungry so I told Joe I was leaving and he could get something himself. I walked back to the office. I figured I could always go back later.
Now as I walked back to the office the meat guys are there again... I told them to follow me to the office. A group of coworkers were having family style Mexican food for lunch in the conference room. I figured some of them would be interested. Sure enough, when the meat guy came in with the box and the price list...
Between the group of us we bought two sets of buy one get one. The group also talked them into throwing in one more box for just $50 more.
What does this mean to me? Well, I am one of the recipients of the huge box of meat! I sold 2 each of 5 steaks for $40 to Henry (our driver)... and then I called my sister to see if she wanted to split the rest with me. It really is a great deal! Michelle was definitely interested. There are 5 people including Michelle to feed in their family. I'm sure she can always use a good deal on meat! Its a lot of food!...
Then Erik, another one of my clients comes into the office and I told him all about it, except he cut me off and told me the meat guy's pitch. He said that they do that everywhere. They probably never even have someone to drop an order off to, and no reason to have leftover boxes... its just their spiel! He was laughing at me... but still, I got this huge box of vacuum wrapped steaks... 5 kinds of steaks and a bunch of burgers! sitting right there! and they didn't look bad... Erik suggested the quality would be questionable. or that the price wasn't that great of a deal... But I disagree. The meat looks great and the price turns out to be about $3.50 per piece whether its a steak or a burger... not a bad deal I think!
Now it gets even funnier! I brought it home to put into my freezer which is usually almost empty. I keep a couple of pieces of salmon, some ground beef and a couple of NY strip steaks in there usually and a bottle of Sambuca... that's it. Now its so full I cannot imagine I would ever get through that amount of meat, ever! thank God Michelle wants to split it with me... but still, that leaves me with about 12 burgers and a shitload of steaks! woe! BBQ you say? well, that sounds great, except I don't own a BBQ... but my freezer is full that's for sure! UGH! Its guaranteed for a year in your freezer. I think I can handle that! am I crazy?!... dont' answer that!

heartache

the topic of the day... heartache. not fun, not funny. really quite agonizing. the harder you fall the longer it lasts. today its here again for me, strong! tears, that lump in your chest, ugh! it does pass, sometimes more slowly than others. but when you are going through it it seems to last forever. It takes its time melting away. Some days you don't even feel anything. That must be a sign you really are moving on. other days it knocks you on your knee's. its all a process.
I'll bet most of you didn't even know I was in love. it was short and sweet and it wiped me out. taking a big time out now...
what do they say? its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...

hangover fridays

diet coke and egg mcmuffin... ugh! shh... my head is killing me!
that is all.

that stupid spider!

we have all been through this I'm sure!
last night I was walking into my bathroom, had to pee... not wearing much... and as I clicked on the light, thank God I did by the way! I saw it... a black spider about the size of a quarter! That's a big spider! No hair. It looked like a black widow. Black widow's don't have hair right? Well, it stopped me in my tracks! Right about then my phone rang... I jumped at the sound! I was very focused on that stupid spider! What to do?! I was barefoot of course!
So, I left the bathroom, came back with the biggest, bulkiest shoe I could find. By then it had wandered up the wall to park itself on the black tile that trims my bathroom... Camouflage! Grrrrr! I smashed that thing repeatedly... it ran from the tile on the wall to the floor. I am jumping and screaming and smashing the shoe on the ground... UGH! Finally, squash!
I dropped the shoe and AHHHHH finally I can pee!
Last week we were all swapping scary spider stories in the office. Do you have one? I have several. It was just funny that the phone rang right when I noticed the stupid thing and I jumped. Was our office conversation the thing that energetically triggered the appearance of this big black spider?
Anyway, I piled up a ton of TP and scooped it up to flush. Later days big black spider!
I also had a talk with the cats, clearly they are not doing their job here!

plumbing issues!

ok, so each morning the first thing most of us do is take a shower. I guess we can say during the week before we go to work...
Picture this, I am naked in my bathroom, cats behind me of course!... I reach over to turn on the hot water first and then the cold, as usual. EXCEPT the handle to the hot water comes off in my hands! At the same time hot water comes rushing straight out of the wall like a fire hydrant! Shooting across the bathtub hitting the wall at the other end of the tub! YIKES!!!!
I'm standing there NAKED! Holding the stupid hot water handle while scalding hot water is filling up my tub faster than it can drain! I am panicked! What do I do!...
First thing, get dressed! Second thing, contact a neighbor, any neighbor that may know where the turn off valve is! I do know my neighbors and most of them have been there a long time but I am not the girl who hangs out with my neighbors. Anyway, Stuart, the guy right next door has been there a long time. He has helped me through a few little cissies... he's a good "guy neighbor" for a girl to have. So I decide he is the one to call. However, it is only 6:30am. Stuart works from home and sleeps later than that, but its an emergency! So, I call... no answer. I don't know what to do. I am freaking out! I call again, I knock on his door... I feel really stupid! Still, necessary!
Finally Stuart answers looking like I just woke him up, because I did!... He comes into my place and can't make the water stop either!... the tub is filling up faster than it can drain. I am now faced with an overflowing bathtub of hot water!... Now I need towels. UGH!
Stuart is out about the building figuring out how to turn off the water on the entire building! Have my other neighbors showered yet? UGH again!...
This is all true! my life I tell ya!
Finally we have stopped the water and now I need to find a plumber to come and fix this thing asap. All of my neighbors are pist at me!.
I found a plumber who "could make it out this afternoon". When he finally arrived he surveyed the situation and had to go up the street to the plumbing supply store for a part. I guess the knob was stripped somehow? and it broke off?... whatever. He fixed it within and hour. I was able to turn the water on to the building again and life is back to normal.
As my mom would say, "these are the days of our lives!"... yes, she watches that!

Pre-Cinco de Mayo?

So, another looooosssseeeerrrr story! My girlfriend Creampie and I had a bit of shopping to do yesterday before we could begin the Cinco de Mayo party. We went to Century City to handle that... once the shopping was out of the way we stopped at The Pink Taco for our first celebratory drink and some chips, salsa, guacamole, and TACOS!!! Their signature Cadillac Margarita was on special... I don't drink tequila though so I got my usual, Kettle Soda Lemon. The drinks were weak. We had to order an extra shot to bring them up to par. The food was not traditional and the drinks sucked... so, we decided to move on.

We stopped by Creampie's house to drop off our shopping bags. I suggested we take a cab. We are close enough to our next destination to take a cab or even ride our bikes. I did not have my bike over there though. Creampie "did not want to roll up in a cab" so we got in her car and drove over to Venice Beach to hit up Cabo Cantina for the Cinco de Mayo celebration!

Only to find out that the valet was blocked off by celebratory paraphernalia... UGH! now we have to find a place to park. We ended up driving through the closest designated beach parking after paying $7 only to find out that there were no more parking spots. That took us a half an hour! and, we got our $7 back too!

Now a dilemma! where to go?... how to celebrate? ok, lets go to Casa Escobar in the marina... we know there will be parking there. Nobody is ever there! True! lots of parking, no people, nothing! After one drink we just about fell asleep so we decided to chock it up to a good try and go back to Creampie's place.

This is how most of the events in our lives go... we wonder why we never do anything! What a bunch of losers!

Did you find a party? had we taken a cab we decided we probably would have been disappointed and wanted to leave right away anyway... are our expectations too high? or, are we crazy? or both?

what do you think? Happy Cinco de Mayo!

what's your stench story?

ok, after sending out the message of my new blog to everyone I know I'm getting a lot of laughs and a lot of stories! post your story for us all to enjoy!

and, the camel toe ad is not real... its a joke. however, within a day or two there will be ads that are marked "google ad" those are the ones you need to click on!

I will be sharing a lot of stupid, crazy and real experiences of my own. I invite you to do the same on my page! how much fun is that?!

running man with swinging schlong!

Last Sunday I was with my friend Jackie. We had a list of things to do. It was about 11am. My car was at the car wash up the street and we were walking 2 blocks over to the bike shop. As we walked past the Starbucks we paused to cross the street. We both saw him at the same time. We both thought the exact same thing too... "what is he wearing?" He was about 100 yards or less from us running in our direction. I started to view his "outfit" from the top down thinking he had a lot of the exact same color of brown on! Then I noticed it... his wiener was swinging back and forth. I said to Jackie "that man is naked!" and Jackie said "he sure is". By now he was crossing the street and running right towards us. Jackie said "lets get some coffee" I said "great idea". We calmly turned around and walked into the Starbucks.
As we entered the Starbucks there was this unspoken tension and anticipation. Everyone had seen him. We were all wondering was this man going to come running into the Starbucks NAKED?!... then the man in line in front of us said "whew they're here!" As we turned around wondering what he was talking about the police car pulled up right outside just in time!
After we had gotten our coffee as we walked out of the coffee shop we looked to the left. The naked running man was laying on the ground face down surrounded by police men. He was screaming. We went to the bike shop and Jackie bought her new bike.

the mystery stench

these are the type of things that happen in my life... its not even a joke! you can't make this stuff up!
For a FEW MONTHS there was this sour pungent smell in my house. I couldn't figure it out for the life of me! I thought it was me, except I could only smell it at my house in this one area. In that specific area of my house is the sofa, rug, coffee table, cat toy basket, work out shoes. I have stuffed my face into each item SEVERAL TIMES to find the source of this disgusting smell.

Every day when I got home from work I would smell it again, in the morning, again, UGH!!! I would smell my arm pitts, my breath, my crotch! My hair, everything on me! I even took vitamins with peppermint oil in them thinking it was INSIDE OF ME!...

Ok, so, I have had my sofa for about 10 years now and it has been through a lot. I thought it must be the source. It is a down sofa so maybe the feathers started stinking? the slipcover? was there something that died or somehow fell behind the sofa and spoiled? Yep, I moved the sofa and found nothing dead or spoiled. A few cat toys and ponytail holders...

I decided it was time for a new sofa anyway and I bought a new one. It has yet to be delivered. Of course, I had to "special order" it... can't just buy a regular model. Always something special for me! Coming home from the furniture store and very very proud that the stench will go away with the new sofa in 6 to 8 weeks when the sofa is replaced! yea! Still that smell was driving me CRAZY!!!

My sister came to town and I asked her if she thought my place was stinky? I asked any friends that visited... not a fun question to ask guests! Makes for a warm atmosphere! "hey by the way, do you think my house stinks?" Yep! I did it!

So, one day I was on the floor in my living room where the stupid stench lives too... I was working out. As I was waiting for the next prompt on the workout DVD I had in I layed my eyes on a candle that was sitting on the corner of the coffee table. Hmmm... could that be the source of the stench?... I picked up the candle and sniffed it. Seems like it could possibly be the candle. I put it outside the door and finished my workout.

Once my workout was done, about a half an hour later, I noticed... no more stench! I threw that candle away after taking note of the scent so I would never purchase it again! WOW!!!! No Freaking Way!!!! A STUPID CANDLE caused me so much greif and confusion and a new sofa too! for months!!!

seriously! I wanna puke!