other peoples stories

its funny, now that I have been blogging I guess some people are reading but to blog is not for them?! there have been a couple of friends coming to tell me their funny stories to share...

Shannon told me about this lady who passed out literally at her table at a bar/restaurant and lit her hair on fire with the ambiance candle! It was a funny story... Have you ever seen a person's hair on fire? I guess the waitress threw water on her head and was patting out the fire. The lady "slept" through the whole thing. Soon after "they escorted her out".

and then there's my girlfriend, Creampie. The adventures of Creampie! She went to NYC last weekend to get a booty call. Not that she can't get one here... but she was meeting a friend in from London. the anticipation of waiting for his arrival was exaggerated by his travel mishaps. EVERYTHING POSSIBLE THAT COULD GO WRONG IN TRAVEL DID! His flight was delayed and then cancelled, he got 2 new flights to get to her. His hotel was cancelled in the meantime. He finally made it to NYC about 5 hours later than intended only to find out his luggage was lost. He waited for 2 more incoming flights in hopes it would be there, nope. Finally giving up on his luggage and eager to meet up with his girl Creampie, he walked into a 2 hour taxi line! UGH! He managed to negotiate his way into someone else's cab and they had a champagne toast at 2am! He was originally suppose to arrive at 4pm. They finally were able to have a "fairy tale" weekend. Happy for them both. Luggage never found. Shopping was necessary.

samantha is coming!

one of my dearest, closest, best, best, best friends is driving back to LA right now!!!! she was re-hired for her new/old job. its true! when goalie owned the romantix stores her supervisor was threatened by her so he systematically disposed of her. she was forced due to finances to go back to ATL. but now that romantix has been bought and most of the management staff has been "let go", she got a call and was hired back for the same job over the phone. someone who is now a supervisor remembered how great she was at that job and asked her to come back. YEA!
she will be here on tuesday!

Wipe Out!

I live in Santa Monica, about 5 blocks from the beach. Been there for about 13 years now. I like to skate, bike ride, hang out and play at the beach. That's why I live there... so, yesterday I was skating on the boardwalk after work. I'm one of those chicks that dances and sings out loud to my i-pod... I know, shocking! Anyway, there is this little hill up the path by Temescal Canyon. On the way down I always speed through it and take off from there with the speed I've gained from the down hill roll.
Yesterday, for the first time ever, I wiped out! I don't have breaks on my skates and I don't wear any protective gear. I really have never ever wiped out. Well, I guess I hit a small rock or a crack in the path or something. I went FLYING INTO THE AIR, my skates up in the air above my head! I landed forward onto my left hand and then the rest of my body followed into a spin out on the pavement. I have a large C-shaped scrape on my right knee, swollen right now! My left hand has a few large gouges in it. My entire body from my left hand up to my neck and down my back is sore like I've been in a car crash. UGH!
Of course there were people around to see me looking like an a-hole hot shot wiping out... and of course, they all simply skated or biked right past me. Not one of them stopping to ask if I was ok. LA people are so nice!
Anyway, I got up, dusted all of the sand off of me and began to skate my way back home. Its pretty far, at least 2 miles back. I stopped at the nearest bathroom and cleaned up the blood on my knee and hands. Got the sand out of the wound.
When I got home I cleaned it up properly and applied some fresh aloe. I will be fine, no short skirts for about a week I guess. And, I will be skating again this weekend I'm sure.
That's life, sometimes you fall. I had a yoga teacher that use to say "falling is the same as not falling, its just how you react to it"... so, I looked stupid and now it hurts... that really is life!

brain picked

now that my boss has identified that I can write reasonably well I have been elected as the candidate for ALL inner office memo's along with all of our recent news releases, articles, ugh! that's why no blogs this week... ok!

WHY ARE PEOPLE?...!

I think that says it all! lol! most often less is more. this is one of those cases... however, I cannot take credit for that comment, as much as I would like to. I heard it on KROQ, Ralph said it friday morning. I can't stop hearing it and placing it in so many appropriate places in life.
that is all.

TGIF

ok, I think they are on to something with their "perfect portions menu"... the girls and I were talking about the food we planned to order for lunch being available in a smaller portion, the food is too big! I heard myself say "our country is a bunch of fat asses, the restaurants all have too big of portions in order to justify over inflated menu prices... if they would just reduce the size of their portions and the price a bit in these economic days a lot of people's asses would probably shrink too... 3 problems solved!"
Well, maybe not completely solved, but still, its a great start. It's true, most restaurants have too big of portions. There are people starving around the world. Everyone is complaining about gas prices, food prices, etc... None of us need to eat the amount served to us at most restaurants.
Am I wrong?... I ask you...

Chipotle cleansing diet and spa day

not willing to go into details here... figure it out yourself! otherwise, probably TMI!!! needless to say, beware of the word "chipotle". The "silver lining" now I can fit back into those white jeans that were just a bit too tight!
meanwhile, I did manage to put a conditioning mask on my hair, and do some extra moisturizing masks on my feet and hands and got a bit of sun on my legs. Hence "spa day"...

need I say more? it was a "productive" day off! =P

I'm published

some of you may know about my trips to Jamaica last spring. when I got back from the second trip I wrote a story about it. since then I have stumbled on a website that publishes short stories. the guy running the site is a writing teacher with a phd... he thinks there is a lot of "hidden talent untapped" and wants to share it.
I submitted my Jamaica story to him. He liked my writing style and gave me an assignment to pull a short story out of my original story. I did that and it is published as of yesterday.
Here is the link to the website and to my story! enjoy!

Issue #10 of A. Hicks Hope is on-line. www.ahickshope.net
TRAVEL - Newest section Jamaica, it’s the waiting mon! by Laura Sweet. She reports on her trip and unique experience. She even learned a few things about herself as well as about Jamaica. It was a fun trip and is a fun read. So go to our new TRAVEL section and have some fun. Jamaica, it’s the waiting mon! http://www.ahickshope.net/jamaica_-_waiting.htm

penis pictres!

do men ever grow up? that's actually funny... grow up... figuratively speaking! since the topic of conversation is penis pictures. I think in this day of electronic gadgets, websites, emailing, and the opportunity for mass discreet communication, guys all want their penis out there for the entire world to see. I think they all have secret hidden pictures, somewhere. their faces are not in the pictures. just random penis pictures. And, given ANY opportunity, or something that looks like an opportunity, they are eager to send that photo to a "willing recipient"... anyone can be a star...
just an observation. I know a few girlfriends who have received penis pictures recently. I personally have gotten a couple in the past couple months. its a new form of communication, of flirting? of sharing?! regardless.. would it be wrong to assume that boys will be boys and want everyone to see their toys?... nice to see... still interesting! still, not necessarily a bad thing, I'm just saying...

the flies???

our new office is great, however there are these monster flies that seem to live here! Its not like we are surrounded by them. No, there is only one per office per day. Today is my turn I guess! They are huge! Bigger than a pumpkin seed! big, fat, ugly, dirty, nasty, yucky fly zooming around my office, making constant passes by my face! people are walking past my office and watching me swinging my arms in the air like a freak. they have no idea what I am swinging at. I look like an idiot I'm sure! who has a freaking fly swatter! I think its Bonnie's turn next.. her office is right next to mine. I don't know for sure, but I hope my day with this huge stupid fly is over! .....

what's the deal lately?!

its been a few days since I've been in touch I know... got a bit side tracked. I've been flirting with this guy for months now. almost asked me out about 10 times... WTF?! finally last week he said "lets go for drinks this week"... I said great, call me. He owns the UPS Store where I get my packages sent so I run into him occasionally when I stop in to pick something up.
Well, he called that following Tuesday after his shift at about 7:20pm. I was busy so I didn't answer. He wanted to know what I was doing right then... what am I? Last minute Laura?... no, I am not! and, I actually have a bit of a life, so, I was busy...
Long story short, I told him next time we spoke that a bit of an advance notice would be nice next time. He said he got it.
Over the weekend I ran into him again. We talked for a while and he showed me how to communicate with him and his IM on my blackberry... I'm not very technically inclined. Once we got that up and running we proceeded to chat and flirt all day. He asked me to send him some pictures of me and he sent a couple of him, etc... all along discussing getting together this week since last week didn't work out. I was having fun.
He is full of mixed messages and is very non committal so it was suggested to me to ask if he was married. His response, Yep, married, two kids, bla, bla, bla... now you don't want to talk to me?!
Well, I don't mind talking but I can't date you! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This is the THIRD married man that has asked me out this year. In fact the only guys asking me out are either 22 or my age and married. I'm doomed.
As a result, I had to take a step back and catch my breath. Really had nothing to say for a few days. Clearly the only one getting any action around here is my cat and that monkey!
This is my life! Seriously, I want to puke!

monkey fucking cat!

so, I guess 10 years ago (I seriously can't believe it was that long ago!)... I was hanging out with this guy Dave. We went to the Santa Monica Pier one night for dinner and we ended up walking through the little "fair" on the pier. We played a few games and he won me a stuffed monkey. It isn't small, probably a foot and a half? round head, round body, arms and legs...
now you have the visual.
One day way back then I cam home from somewhere and that monkey was on the middle of the sofa, face down, arms all spread out. I thought to myself what the fuck?! It's bigger than both of my cats so I kind of chuckled because that is the only way it could have gotten where it was.
I began to play a game with it... I would put the monkey all over the house and later in a day or two it would be again, on the sofa face down. Or sometimes on the chair across the room, or the foot stool thing... one time it was even upstairs on the floor... but still moved from where I put it.
I was shocked. How does a cat move that thing around so much?
After a bunch of years I finally saw which cat it was and what they were doing with that monkey. My cat Bugeriah fucks that monkey! It's his girlfriend! I finally caught him in the act. He was embarrassed and ran away with a sigh, yep a heavy sigh and a guilty cat meow.
It happens all the time still. Like daily. Only when I am not around. I can step out for a minute and the monkey is on the couch. I can leave for the day and when I get back, the monkey is on the couch. Always face down and all spread out!
I keep it in this basket with all of the other cat toys. They take those out and play with them too. I often find them all over the house. But this monkey! It is now flat... completely flat. He fucked all of the roundness out of it!
Today when I got home from work it was on the sofa, so I moved it to the basket with the other toys with a little chuckle. Later, I took out the garbage... gone like one solid minute, maybe two... monkey was on the couch! My cat is a monkey fucker!

who are these people?

seriously?! I have been wanting to write a book of short entries with the brief encounters you have with people and when it is over you are left thinking... WTF???? who are these people?
pet peeve... a-holes that try to connect with you from across the country on myspace. who is that desperate? well, not me in case anyone was wondering!
what about the religious fanatic that feels it necessary to impose their sermon on random people in public places. Example... I was picking up my mail yesterday and this lady walked into the mailbox store where I get some of my mail. She started spouting off versus from the Bible and cursing all of us in there for not being able to recite them with her. Apparently that makes all of us THE DEVIL! Like I said... who are these people?!
I can go on and on and on... so, I will save that for later and spare you all for now!
feel free to ad any input on your version of "who are these people?!"