desk dancing

at any given time, someone walking down the hall past my office can catch me boppin to the beat of whatever music is constantly playing in my office... I can't live without music! admit it! you've done it. If not, you should give it a try! now and then, if a really great all time favorite comes on, whether its the radio, your ipod, a cd... whatever, just turn it up and dance! right there in your office! I've been busted several times! its all about fun people. lets not take things so seriously! desk dancing burns 40% more calories an hour than simply sitting there too! Just think of it, you can have fun at the same time as working off those extra holiday pounds you just added to your waistline. not a fact... just a though! desk dancing! not on, at... unless you are feeling particularly uninhibited that day, then I say... go for it!

blue tooth update

news flash! no one is using them anymore! Ok, a lot less people can be seen talking on their phones while driving. I know I have elected, usually, not to talk on the phone while driving due to the mushy quality of blue tooth conversations. Seems like most things can wait for an hour or less until I get there. Most of the people I know have gone through this progression of first, using the blue tooth, to using the speaker phone, to not using the phone, to just using the phone as usual... just like speeding and any other law we all break while driving. As someone pointed out to me yesterday... you're not breaking the law until you get caught.
Be careful people! The idea was to save lives, I hope it does!
Now the new law is no texting while driving!!! No kidding huh!

epicenter was at my house

7:42pm Friday January 22 2009... S. California had an earthquake. We do have them about once every few weeks lately. Usually they are a subtle rumbling that last anywhere from 5seconds to 30 seconds... WELL! Last night I was sitting at home watching TV, talking on the phone and chillin w/ the cats. Mogli was on the chair across the room and Bugeria was on my lap. Suddenly, with no notice, not even for the cats, there was a LOUD BOOM! a vibrational rumbling for about 3 seconds followed by another LOUD BOOM!!!! I realized it was an earthquake. It felt like time froze. I was looking at my ceiling waiting for my house to cave in. It literally felt like a semi hit the building and then another hit it again going full speed! I have never been so close to an epicenter like that! It scared me so badly that I started to cry in fear. I immediately called Kayla, she felt it, but subtly. Finally I found out it was "only 3.4 and the epicenter was in Marina del Rey". That's where Creampie lives so I promptly called her. She said "yea, it woke me up but I only felt one boom." I told her the epicenter was in MDR and she said "thanks for telling me"... well on that note I decided the epicenter was AT MY HOUSE... THAT'S RIGHT! scary!

today I was wearing a strait jacket...

and yesterday I was called schizophrenic! its true...
OK, rewind to last night at 7pm-ish. I do this mentor thing and we had a group meeting last night. Group meaning all the kids and their mentors hang out together and do meaningful, fun activities. Last night we did this thing called "true colors". Its a personality type test using colors. The guy leading the meeting started to explain by showing an orange card and saying his ex-wife was orange... spontaneous, risk taker and he held up the green card which he said he is. Green is logical, analytical, conceptual. They are opposites and have difficulties getting along as a result. Long story short, we eventually took this test to show what our personality types are. There are two other colors Blue=compassionate, gold=organized... After struggling through the test the guy used me as an example. I have a SPLIT PERSONALITY! shocking I know! I am tied between green and orange! Actually clears a lot of things up for me! maybe you too if you know me!
So, that's the schizophrenic part, now lets get to the strait jacket! We had a product meeting today with Pipedreams and they have a new item... men and women's strait jackets! I tried on the white women's one. I wiggled out of it in 20 seconds! obviously for fun not reality. Yep, strait jackets can be fun too! Who am I???? Maybe a bit more off than you imagined... that's all! =P

Classic lines from Honey's Sales meetings!

This one came from the boss herself!!!

"I say NO to the Cock and the Butt Plug and Yes to the big vibe!"...

Of course me being me... I said, I'm sorry can you repeat that?! We were all laughing so hard we cried! Product review meetings are so funny! Our job is a blast!

walk of shame

we've all done it! VEGAS: AVN Show, Hustler Lingerie Party at Lavo, very fun party! With a group of girls. First time I've ever been in a group that "got moved to the main stage"... anyway, after SEVERAL drinks and dances with various friends, clients, etc... I'm ready to split. The party got super packed and you could barely move. I'd had enough. Tonya and I say goodbye to everyone and dance our way out the club. She is staying in the Pilazzo Casino where the club is, which is connected to the Venetian. This year I was staying at the Mirage across the street, but my boss had a room at the V so I had a key to her room to use to change close, etc... I had walked over from the Mirage in jeans and a t-shirt after unpacking earlier. My sexy dresses were in her room. Ok, now that you know this much, picture this:
I'm walking through the various hallways of shops and restaurants connecting the Venetian to the Palazzo. My feet feel like I'm walking on broken glass every step of the way. I decide I simply cannot do it, so I sit on a bench and remove the strappy stiletto's. Fine, I can handle walking through the casino in my sexy black dress barefoot just this one time!
I finally make it to Bonnie's room doing the "pee dance"... yep, I've got to pee so bad! UGH! My room key doesn't work! GRRRRR! All I can think of is how badly I have to pee so I go back down to the casino to the bathroom to pee, STILL BAREFOOT! (Loooooosssssseeeeerrrrrr!!!).
Well, instead of going back up to Bonnie's room & changing into the jeans and t-shirt with my sketchers, so I look normal walking across the street, I figure, I'm half way there so I'll just head back through the casino and outside across the street to the Mirage Casino... BAREFOOT!!!! YEP! Drunk, tired, my feet are killing me and I look like a used up WHORE!!!??? VERY CLASSY!! I heard people whispering as they walked past me "she's barefoot"... "that girl was barefoot"...
AND, that's not the worst part yet! Nope!
I finally made it through the Mirage casino to the hotel elevators and up to my room, ONLY TO FIND THAT MY OWN ROOM KEY DIDN'T WORK EITHER!!!! That was it! I had to draw the line there! I was not walking back down to the front desk. OH YEA... I FORGOT, I left my ID in Bonnie's room in my other purse! I couldn't even prove it was my room! UGH!
Wasted, exhausted, dirty bare feet... I call the hotel security to let me in my room from the house phone by the elevators. Then I FELL ASLEEP on the little bench they have in the hallway by the elevators. So, when security finally came they were waking me up telling me "mam, you have to go to your room, you cannot sleep here!"... what a looooossssseeeerrrr!
I proceed to tell them that I am the one they came up here for. I could not prove I was me or it was my room... but it was me I promise! I finally found A (one) of my business cards in the little clutch purse I was carrying and that was my ticket into my room! WHEW! talk about a walk of shame! After all that I was pist off and hungry so I at the $4 M&M's out of the minibar. Even more of a loooosssseeeerrrr!!!
So, if we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at!

OUT OF THE BUSH!!!!

WHEW!!! WE MADE IT! Out with Bush and in with Obama! I was talking to a client on the phone this morning and he said the funniest thing... yet totally true! "good ridden! only 23 more minutes and he's gone!"... I laughed. Finally, the beginning of a new era! I'm so happy its with Obama as our president! Now lets get to work...

Oprah talks SEX!!!

not sure if you caught Dr. Berman on Oprah recently. As a result of the overwhelming amount of interest and questions sent in from her viewers, Oprah had a follow up webcast on Friday the 16th for about an hour and a half with Dr. Berman. She answered skyped in calls from all sorts of people, couples, races, age groups, all over the country. Seemed to be an equally balanced representation of people. They carefully asked pretty explicit questions about all sorts of topics on sex. Being online allowed for a more open discussion due to lack of fcc regulations. I am so pleased that the machine of Oprah chose this format and subject! It was a very positive communication supporting sex in relationships with yourself and with your partner even if you have certain spiritual beliefs. Dr. Berman spoke positively about healthy use and necessity of SEX TOYS and PORN in our lives. How a healthy sex life supports and positively effects ALL AREAS OF OUR LIVES from parenting, managing stress to connectivity to your partner and even knowing yourself better on all levels. It was exciting and uplifting to watch from a human and business perspective! I am looking forward to this webcast going a long way in supporting the Adult Industry business which is often judged and frowned upon by the masses who also seem to enjoy it.
If you are interested you can go onto Oprah.com and watch the webcast "on demand" any time. Educational and uplifting as well as exciting to see sex get the thumbs up from such an icon as Oprah in our society!

go easy on Obama please

everyone is so excited about the inauguration, our new president, a moment in history. Obama is walking into the biggest mess ever! He's also the first African American President of USA... as we know, hence, history being made. He has made a lot of great promises of change with a lot of "hope"... in 3 years when everything is not fixed, or perfect, lets not blame Obama. Knowing the mentality of the people in our country he could also go down in history as the stupid N-word that f'd up the US. My point is, there is so much that needs to be fixed and its unreasonable to expect it could be fixed within 4 years. I believe he will make changes for the good whether we see their effects immediately or not. He seems like the most decent and sincere person we have voted in in years. We all have to keep things into perspective and do our part to help this country too. Yes, one person can make a difference. Just look around yourself and see what you might do to make a difference. No matter how small. Please, go easy on Obama, he is human and our country is severely f'd up!

going to be missed!

I turned on my stereo in my office this morning. As usual I switch around on the stations to find my groove for the day. Today I landed on Indie 103.1, in my top two choices. I got chills when I heard the solemn announcement. Indie 103.1 is going off the air effective immediately. Due to corporate radio structure and the inability to honor the values by which they started the station in the first place they are removing themselves from the airwaves. They will however be streaming live online at www.indie1031.com for all of us to enjoy with no restrictions, guidelines or laws. THE MAN KILLED MY FAVORITE RADIO STATION! UGH! I can't tell you how shocked I was. I was unable to function! I was being called into a sales meeting but I couldn't move past the news. I was devastated! It was all I could think of. This was the station I got to do that radio show on. The Coup d'Tadt... I submitted a play list and right before Halloween my list was chosen and I got to go in and BE THE DJ FOR AN HOUR! It was one of the coolest experiences of my life! I am so happy to have had that opportunity with this station! I realize they will be even cooler online but still, not as accessible to me. If you are interested, log on and listen for a bit. Farewell to a rockin good friend! Farewell Indie, and thanks for not conforming to the man!

urbandictionary.com

Be prepared to be completely grossed out! Some of my friends at work, obviously guys, told me about the urban dictionary. The things you learn in life... and can't believe exist!
WARNING!!!!! Completely Juvenile! explicit and gross, funny and sick! don't blame me, I'm all about education, best to be informed!

look up the following: www.urbandictionary.com
tony danza, birmingham booty call, alaskan pipeline, blumpkin, bukakki, dirty sanchez, hotcarl, glass bottom boat.

"short" story, big laughs

the names have been changed to protect those involved. its not nice. it is funny. maybe ya had to be there...
Sue and I were talking at a bar in Vegas on Friday after the show before our dinner appointments. Sue mentions something she wants to share with me admitting its wrong (not nice). I'm drinking and I'm me, so, let's hear it! Sue proceeds to inform me that she thinks her sister is a midget. I guess she's been watching some shows on TLC and learned the technical measurements of a midget are 4'9" and she thinks her sister qualifies. I point out that I think her friend Aria, whom I had met recently is also in that category. Aria was also in Vegas as she had kind of "crashed" the trade show and was disrespectfully been riding on Sue's coattails the entire time. Maybe that's what prompted this not nice progression. By the end of the night Aria was being referred to as the "Gnome" because of some of the unbelievable choices she had made while in Vegas. All of these dissing comments escalated the story around drinks and french fries and tears of laughter amongst a group of friends. Gnome fetish, Gnome bitch, Gnome earrings, Gnome you name it... The best, which brought me to my knees in laughter mid-casino, by our friend Hot-Carl, "If I got a hand job by the Gnome it'd have to be double fisted in order to feel it!"
Told ya! not nice, but funny! More later.

waiter spill

a group of us were at a booth at the Grande Luxe Cafe in the Venetian in Vegas for the ritual after hours meal. None of us knew it but it was 3am! We had been drinking and dancing all night long! French fries everywhere! A couple of tables up a group of 4 people we didn't know were seated. One of the group immediately upon being served it, spilled his glass of water and laughed it off. Nobody noticed that works at the restaurant. The next thing we see is the waiter approaching the table with a tray full of food. Suddenly as if in slow motion, the waiter slipped on the spilled water and in trying to correct his fall, the entire tray of food was dumped onto the guy who spilled the water! It was classic. All of his friends at the table pointed and laughed while other patrons in the area gasped! Then silence! The waiter walked away and went to get more food and some clean up napkins... FUNNY! as we left I said to that guy "want some fries with that?!" My friends and I walked away all of us laughing along with all of his friends too! You can't make this stuff up!

dumb question/best answer ever!

So, Bonnie and I are at the Mexican restaurant at the C gate in the Vegas airport. We sat right next to a couple of guys we saw checking in. A conversation was struck up... the usual; visiting Vegas for work? play?... They were there for CES, and we were there for AVN. Suddenly these guys are asking several typical questions you get asked as people/women working in the Adult Industry except one I've never heard before.
I was wearing my silver ring that looks like a big O and a silver necklace that has 4overlapping rings and mini silver clip hoop earrings. This guy next to me actually asked me, very seriously, with a twinkle of hope in his eyes:
"So, Laura, does all of your jewelry represent O for ORGASM?"... He was seriously asking me that! And, my answer was perfect and classic and one of the best answers I have ever had the pleasure of responding with! I said;
"no honey, its Tiffany".... which is true and snotty just the same! How funny! I LOVED THAT! Yea, I work in the adult industry so all of my jewelry means "orgasm"...

AVN in January EVERY SINGLE YEAR!

Whew! Made it back from another AVN Show, as many of you know. Almost sick, at home relaxing before work again tomorrow. Gathered lots of topical, funny stores to share. Had a lot of requests for blogging to continue. So, here we go.
Happy New Year! L