urbandictionary.com

Be prepared to be completely grossed out! Some of my friends at work, obviously guys, told me about the urban dictionary. The things you learn in life... and can't believe exist!
WARNING!!!!! Completely Juvenile! explicit and gross, funny and sick! don't blame me, I'm all about education, best to be informed!

look up the following: www.urbandictionary.com
tony danza, birmingham booty call, alaskan pipeline, blumpkin, bukakki, dirty sanchez, hotcarl, glass bottom boat.

"short" story, big laughs

the names have been changed to protect those involved. its not nice. it is funny. maybe ya had to be there...
Sue and I were talking at a bar in Vegas on Friday after the show before our dinner appointments. Sue mentions something she wants to share with me admitting its wrong (not nice). I'm drinking and I'm me, so, let's hear it! Sue proceeds to inform me that she thinks her sister is a midget. I guess she's been watching some shows on TLC and learned the technical measurements of a midget are 4'9" and she thinks her sister qualifies. I point out that I think her friend Aria, whom I had met recently is also in that category. Aria was also in Vegas as she had kind of "crashed" the trade show and was disrespectfully been riding on Sue's coattails the entire time. Maybe that's what prompted this not nice progression. By the end of the night Aria was being referred to as the "Gnome" because of some of the unbelievable choices she had made while in Vegas. All of these dissing comments escalated the story around drinks and french fries and tears of laughter amongst a group of friends. Gnome fetish, Gnome bitch, Gnome earrings, Gnome you name it... The best, which brought me to my knees in laughter mid-casino, by our friend Hot-Carl, "If I got a hand job by the Gnome it'd have to be double fisted in order to feel it!"
Told ya! not nice, but funny! More later.

waiter spill

a group of us were at a booth at the Grande Luxe Cafe in the Venetian in Vegas for the ritual after hours meal. None of us knew it but it was 3am! We had been drinking and dancing all night long! French fries everywhere! A couple of tables up a group of 4 people we didn't know were seated. One of the group immediately upon being served it, spilled his glass of water and laughed it off. Nobody noticed that works at the restaurant. The next thing we see is the waiter approaching the table with a tray full of food. Suddenly as if in slow motion, the waiter slipped on the spilled water and in trying to correct his fall, the entire tray of food was dumped onto the guy who spilled the water! It was classic. All of his friends at the table pointed and laughed while other patrons in the area gasped! Then silence! The waiter walked away and went to get more food and some clean up napkins... FUNNY! as we left I said to that guy "want some fries with that?!" My friends and I walked away all of us laughing along with all of his friends too! You can't make this stuff up!

dumb question/best answer ever!

So, Bonnie and I are at the Mexican restaurant at the C gate in the Vegas airport. We sat right next to a couple of guys we saw checking in. A conversation was struck up... the usual; visiting Vegas for work? play?... They were there for CES, and we were there for AVN. Suddenly these guys are asking several typical questions you get asked as people/women working in the Adult Industry except one I've never heard before.
I was wearing my silver ring that looks like a big O and a silver necklace that has 4overlapping rings and mini silver clip hoop earrings. This guy next to me actually asked me, very seriously, with a twinkle of hope in his eyes:
"So, Laura, does all of your jewelry represent O for ORGASM?"... He was seriously asking me that! And, my answer was perfect and classic and one of the best answers I have ever had the pleasure of responding with! I said;
"no honey, its Tiffany".... which is true and snotty just the same! How funny! I LOVED THAT! Yea, I work in the adult industry so all of my jewelry means "orgasm"...

AVN in January EVERY SINGLE YEAR!

Whew! Made it back from another AVN Show, as many of you know. Almost sick, at home relaxing before work again tomorrow. Gathered lots of topical, funny stores to share. Had a lot of requests for blogging to continue. So, here we go.
Happy New Year! L

the people we love

its the holiday season. some feel lonely, sad, not interested. others are excited. is there snow in your part of town? my friend Kayla just moved here from Georgia, apparently they have better seasons than we do in California. She is one of many that puts their Christmas tree up at thanksgiving. I am not as festive as others. I also prefer to give it a bit more time. Some people are shopping, some are decorating. Some are in denial. In the past I have taken the Thanksgiving weekend to begin the project of making my gifts. This year I have lost my motivation. The economy is causing me to feel completely not interested. It doesn't even feel like Christmas. However, I know when the time comes I am going to want to share my heart and express myself to those I love. The ones who really love me and I known it. Its only a few select people, you know, the people you can count on one hand. The people who love us, the people we love.
I am grateful to have spoken to each of the people I love the most today. I want that more than any holiday gift forever and always. Thank you for being the people I love, the people who love me!

oh the drama!

back pain! pain in the back! went to the doctor. funny thing is that he fell off of a HORSE over the thanksgiving weekend so his bedside manner was gone! he had no patience for me and my shenanigans! He did not want me to tell him I was in pain and I needed a referral to a chiropractor. We had a fight. that's right, my General Practitioner and I had a fight. He got pretty vicious! and, anyone who knows me really knows that I love this doctor. I've been seeing him for about 10 years for various assorted ailments and pro health support. I have never argued with him! But he proceeded to tell me to take pills, vicoden!, naprosyn & some muscle relaxers, and to stop all activity! WHAT! IS HE CRAZY!!! hello! may I introduce myself?! He also referred me to an orthopedic surgeon and some xrays, and an MRI... and if after a couple of weeks the pain is not gone maybe a cortisone shot and if that doesn't work I will have to take a few weeks off of work and completely rest my back! and if that doesn't work then SURGERY!!!! Yep, he slammed me! all because I asked for a chiropractor and he was in a bad mood!
On the bright side, now I've got enough pills for a really great party! No more OPPP for a while! I decided the next day to go to a chiropractor on my own. Found this sports medicine chiro. He did ultrasound, electro therapy, heat massage, stretching and an adjustment. I walked out of there pain free! I still have a bit of a flare up. Turns out it has something to do with my car seat, so I have adjusted that too.
And, you remember those "as seen on tv Dr. Ho double massager" things?... Personal electro therapy device?! well, I was given one and have been using that too. I wear it at work, patches on my ass with wires connected to the device! whatever helps!
Theres an item we sell called "the rimulator"... its basically the same thing except people use it on their "rim"... use your imagination and laugh! YIKES!